Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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