you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
