If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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