4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
