Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
they're like a gay fantastic four
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
