What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
