i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
