i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
