shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
