Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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