It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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