and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
