How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
