Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
