Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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