Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
