Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
