You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
