So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
