Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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