i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
