I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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