I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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