arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
we're so committed to being not committed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
