You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
