WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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