trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's get the cat blown out
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
