I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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