my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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