upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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