Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
