It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
