I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
