Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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