2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
