her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
