there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
