I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
