She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
