it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
