Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
