If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
