There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
