im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
