Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
