if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just gift wrapped bread.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
