Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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