Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
