You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
