i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
