I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
