They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
