I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
