Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
