Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i think i have herpe
just one?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
