I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
