He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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