I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
