I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
